That's why I don't wish to share anything with you.

I share because I want to share the joy and experience of finding out something nice,
You just totally shared whatever I shared with you to him,
that's gross.
why would you do that.
Oh right, because you are already considering getting him back,
all the more I can't seem to trust you.

Dishonest as you are getting,
it's grossing me out day by day.

So it turns out this way in the end

Yes we liked each other,
but she can't love me,
what else could I say.

It's not a complicated issue,
but she just couldn't love me,
it's so simple to the point that no one could understand,
we can never really understand each other.

Had quite a deep talk about who I am and who she is,
18 years old...?
She stopped the whole topic cause she didn't like talking about it,
I wonder why.
Does she not like to talk too much about herself to others?
I am also not trying to be spiteful when I re-used her whole description,
because the description that she gave me was how I am when I'm 18.
I couldn't lie about this, but it's hard to make people believe in it too.
We are definitely not the same, but those few sentences are what best described me.

Most of the time, its my lack of proper words and detailed description that causes a rift,
I always wanted to say "something" and when she gave me her opinion on the "something"
it usually turns out what she described is what I wanted to say,
just in a really proper and clear manner.

What do I look for in people,
Such a vague question,
So to tone it down I gave u in percentage,
30% Looks
20% Common interest
50% Mind
BULLSHIT! THESE ARE JUST DIGITS AND NUMBERS
What do I look for in someone?
I look for someone whom I can communicate with,
it's that simple, someone whom I can communicate and live with everyday,
Someone whom I have real feelings for,
Someone whom I am willing to sacrifice for,
Someone whom I am willing to show the disgusting side of me,
But all in all, it doesn't really matter anymore now.


It's over Haru.
Stop it.
Just Stop.

"As the last breathe of your mouth leaves me,
I cried deep inside my lungs,
Or was it something close,
That complicated pounding red object,
I held your lovely petite hands close to me as we walked,
Hugged,
I admired the one who made me felt something I have never felt before,
Your smile, your voice, the way you changed my mind,
That was the last thing that I remembered before I lost my sanity"

I'm in love with your mind, more so in you as a whole.

One post before Bangkok Trip,

Finally a chill down time from NS,
I can't wait to get out of that shithole everyday,
Fucking disgusting and messy place.
These assholes can't keep the place tidy for nuts.

/Kohai
We like each other and that's fine,
now you are thinking if our personality matches,
you know...to me...it doesn't really matter?
If things don't go well, we solve them,
we have an issue, we talk them out,
we can't stand taking nonsense from each other, we shut each other up,
It's fine isn't it?

If you didn't have the feeling and you didn't feel we could get together,
then just end it,
Having not ending it means you still feel something,
Isn't it alright as long as we like each other,
Does this matter so much?
It's a simple thing made to sound so complicated.

Kohai, kimi ga daisuki.
Boku no koto wo mou daisuki darou?
Sore dake de jiubun da.

How delusional I was in the past huh...

I'm really feeling so frustrated today,
I had to blog because I would implode otherwise...

Anyway I'm feeling better already,
must be because of the chatting with Kohai...
But still, I want to blog down how I feel.

Feeling conflicted due to the fact that Sakura and Cel feel that I left them out,
but isn't that how things works?
If we are dating, we would have lesser time for friends right?
Sakura just had to insist that she lost a friend when nothing even happened,
I just tend to hang out less,
and I didn't gave up on designing because of Kohai,
It's fucking because I'm afraid I might pull you down with all my busy schedule,
why can't you look at the positive side of my view,
why do you have to look at this the negative way,
WHAT THE FUCK, Insolent Adolescence.

Also, Kohai is still in contact with her Ex...
I thought they had cut all contact but turns out not,
they are still in contact, like good friends apparently...
I try not to overthink but...how could I not.
I still like Kohai and I believe this feeling is mutual,
I hope that this Ex of hers doesn't affect our relationship,
if it does, it really means our relationship is weak...
I should place more trust in her.
Stop doubting her Haru...
___________________________

To sum up the posts that I deleted,

I got over Aki Kazumi
She gave me the Hoshino Haru name somehow,
I got over Sakura too because she was literally too childish for me,
I liked Kohai, and apparently she likes me too,
We started dating on 18th Oct, the Halloween night.
We are still dating.

Physically we progressed too fast,
but mentally we are going quite slowly.
I hope this is fine.

Both my Fraternal side Grandparents had went on to paradise,
I cried the most on my Grandmother's as she was literally like another mother to me.
Yes, I am able to cry.

BBQ with ASA section 1

Last meet up before we get out posting,
BBQ at Wayne's house,
Wayne is really the Ah Sia Kia,
Rich and don't know how to do many things.
But funny guy,
Anyways, had the fun time,
played Xbox and Kinect,
dance random shitz,

Again, I am the advance party,
always the guy who buys stuff and prepares food,
start the fire, cook the food,
pack everything,
clean up the whole place,
Oh well, at least I could tell people,
I know how to host a BBQ,
rather than those sitting down there,
trying to look cool and doing nothing =X

Attendance: Myself, Wayne, Yong Le, Franco, Ee Joe, Kelvin, Yang Shoyn, Victor, Qing Yong, Thiong Han.

POC LO!!!

Passing Out ceremony is over,
it was yesterday and honestly I was excited,
from the very bottom of my heart,
I shouted for the SAF pledge, National Anthem, BMT Roar,
Now I don a beret instead of a jockey cap,
not a chao recruit anymore,
I am a private now,
The beret is a little more difficult to wear,
but it should get seasoned soon enough.

Today was a total waste of our time,
book in Sembawang camp early in the morning,
then all we did was clean up our bunk,
stone in our bunk and party,
then went for lunch,
then continue stoning then bookout
=.=
We could have done all these before the POC yesterday,
then we wouldn't have to come today,
I think even the sergeants are cursing and feeling sian...

Gonna go meet Shota for some card sessions
and I hope he remembers to get a Omamori for me,
He would be in Japan by tomorrow already,
^_^
After that gonna go to JL and get some stuffs,
or I maybe could go another day if it's too rushing,
anyway the whole JL expo happens to be on my whole block leave,
YES!!! block leave!!!
hahahaha, aka holiday liao lor.
Gonna get all my sleep I need,

君

 

 

 僕